I don't think I've sleep through the night for about two years now. There's always something getting me up. Yesterday it was the smaller Cub shouting about his teeth. The night before was the bigger one wanting me to 'pouff his duvet'. And if it's not one them, it's Alice the dog.
I've had a thing about burglars for as long as I can remember. Every night I'm determined that there's one in the house. I'd hoped that by now, aged 30, I might have grown out of this; No such luck. Last night saw me shaking, holding my breath in angst whilst poor Chaz was sent armed with a glass jug to try and hunt out the baddie. Of course there was nothing there but I lay awake until it was light, barely daring to breathe, in case they should pounce out of the shadows and I would be fully prepared. I'm not quite sure what for, but at the time, it feels like the right thing to do. What are you meant to do though should burglar Bill stroll into your house? I've come up with many an idea, that at the time, seems genius but come daylight just makes me feel that I've actually turned into a proper raving mad lunatic. So I've had enough; The boys and Alice I can't control but my wierdo burglar fears have got to go.
So I've come up with a list of my options;
1. Get a security guard. This has been my dream for as long as I can remember. I wrote to Father Christmas asking for one.
2. Go to ninja/self defence lessons. My friend Katie used to box for England so maybe I start there.
3. Get a panic room.
4. Get those electric, metal,drop down shutters installed.
5. Take myself off to the nearest loonie bin.
I'm going to start with option two and see how I go. Obviously starting with the outfit to get me into the right frame of mind. Start as you mean to go on and all that.